Steven Seagal Is Back For Real(ity)

Steven Seagal Is Back For Real(ity): "

Steven Seagal – the man, the legend – is back, and no it’s not in an Orange advert (or in a Mountain Dew advert).

To be fair, he never really went away. Since 1992’s Under Siege, he has appeared in over 30 films – all of which have very similar themes, including Half Past Dead, Attack Force, Kill Switch and the subtly titled Today You Die.

Seagal doesn’t just turn up and frown at the camera, though. For his 2005 film Into the Sun he not only starred, but wrote and produced the movie as well as recorded its soundtrack. The man is multi-talented. Anyone who has their own energy drink and two music albums entitled Mojo Priest and Crystal Cave is a hero in my book. And his own reality TV show now. You heard.

It turns out that Seagal is a real life action hero, a man of the people, a crusader for justice. For the past 20 years Seagal has been a fully commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in Louisiana. A new reality series airing in December 2009 entitled Steven Seagal: Lawman will follow Seagal out on patrol busting bad guys and saving lives.

I know what you’re thinking – moving to Louisiana and committing a crime has never looked so good. Imagine the scene – you hear a disturbance upstairs, you dial 911, Steven freaking Seagal arrives, karate chop, job done.

For all you Under Siege fans, there is a rumor – started by me – that Gary Busey is due to make a special guest appearance. Not since peanut butter and jelly has a coupling seemed so wrong but oh so right.

Having watched the promo trailer I can confirm that Lawman is a cross between Dog The Bounty Hunter and Copland. I can also sadly confirm Seagal is without ponytail. Suddenly my ingenious halloween costume of black clothing and tied-back hair doesn’t seem so cool.

You might be thinking that reality TV is the last resort for failed movie stars. In this very isolated case, you would be wrong. Seagal is set to star in Robert Rodriguez’s new bloodfest Machete alongside Robert De Niro and Michelle Rodriguez. Seagal is the perfect choice, for all his apparent cheese the man has something about him. He is also probably an incredibly nice guy who has the added attraction of being a complete badass.

No doubt Lawman will attract viewers – it will give the world what we have always wanted, a real-life Wyatt Earp. If that fails, he has the Rodriguez picture, not to mention his energy drink franchise, his music career and his philanthropy.

In the words of Seagal, “It’s not a job….it’s an adventure!” I believe every word.