Thursday, 9 December 2010

Cate Blanchett To Star In The Hobbit Even Though Her Character Isn’t In The Stupid Book In The First Place

Cate Blanchett To Star In The Hobbit Even Though Her Character Isn’t In The Stupid Book In The First Place: "

Lord of the Rings fans are some of the most peculiar people you’ll ever meet. hecklerspray was once faced with a nutter who had an exact copy of The Ring on his finger, as well as a backpack, identical to one sported by some hairy toed character from the book. He was sat in a pub and didn’t see anything wrong with dressing up like a pipe smoking tramp from the Shire.

Another fan informed us that they wrote out the first 200 pages of The Hobbit by hand, changing ‘Bilbo’ for their own name.

So it goes without saying that there’s a bunch of strange sorts out there who will be already swooning in anticipation at the prospect of the new Hobbit film… however, it isn’t exactly faithful to the text as Peter Jackson has decided to throw some eye-candy at it in the shape of Cate Blanchett.

Blanchett will be reprising the role of the ethereal elf Galadriel despite the fact the character doesn’t appear in J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy epic The Hobbit.

Does someone need to set up some kind of helpline or are we all going to be fine with this?

It appears that Jackson might be trying to make a completely sexless book a bit more pleasing for the trouser shuffling nerds. There’s virtually no female characters in the book whatsoever, so maybe we’ll get to see a scene where Bilbo will accidentally wander into a disco forest full of gyrating lady trolls in bikinis made from pipe tobacco?

In other casting news, you’ll be getting Sylvester McCoy (who played the worst Doctor Who) who will star as the wizard Radagast the Brown. Any hope of sexing up The Hobbit died, just there.

There’s a bunch of other people you’ve never heard of who have been cast in the twoparter, but chances are, you already know the names of these people because you’ve been pressing refresh on some very serious Tolkien fan forum all night, every night, since the closing credits of the last Lord of the Rings film.

Sir Ian McKellan hasn’t officially been unveiled in the cast, but seeing as he’s already said that he’ll be reprising his role of Gandalf, it’s unlikely anyone is going to get the gig.

And boy, if Jackson gave someone else the role, you Lord of the Rings nutters would do something really wild and dangerous… like… leave nasty comments on a blog post or write something vitriolic about it on your Tumblr.

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