Take 50 Cent and Susan Boyle. You wouldn’t really want to spend a single minute of your time in their company, would you?
Think about it, they’d both spew out the same mushy story in a vain attempt to make you give a toss about them. Both of them have humble backgrounds and didn’t find it easy to get to where they are today.
50 Cent came from a quiet neighbourhood where he occasionally got shot at and had to sell sherbet disguised as cocaine to make a living. His repetitive songs about drinking overpriced booze and perving on woman soon made him a hit with teenagers everywhere. Susan Boyle is simply a scary Scottish woman who went a bit mental after losing to Diversity on Britain’s Got Talent. She’s now deemed a vague success after Simon Cowell whored her out to the world. Would you expect a retard gangster and a wobbly opera singer to collaborate? Of course not, you dimwit, but 50 Cent believes so.
It’s a potential collaboration that really is leaving us scratching our knackers in confusion. There are plenty of questions running thorough our mind at the moment. What would it sound like? Why would anyone want to listen to it? Would Susan Boyle be dolled up in a gold bikini in the video and simulate sexual acts on 50 Cent across a pimped-up club? Perhaps 50 Cent would perform a dance with her cat Pebbles. It’s a mystery that is melting our minds faster than a polar bear’s igloo.
Nobody is naive enough to think that this would ever work. Realistically it should be labelled as a stupid idea that would never really work, unless you have no musical knowledge or ability to detect good from evil. Saying that, Susan Boyle knows music’s worst enemy, Simon Cowell. If he felt like it, he could make the track bigger than Mr. Blobby or Bob The Builder’s hit records. Speaking to The Mirror, 50 Cent said:
“Susan Boyle is hot right now. I got to get her on a track, for real. We’d make a hit. Everyone is talking about her, the lady from Britain’s Got Talent. She’s got an amazing voice, and together we’d get everyone dancing. I’m always looking to do something new and she’s cool, so I’ll ask somebody to let her know.”
Hold on a second, 50 Cent wants to do something new? Wouldn’t that mean he’d have to change his entire musical perspective and write lyrics that actually made sense, contained no swearing every other minute and produce a record without a million guest appearances from MC Laminate Flooring and DJ Lamp Juice? We won’t hold our breath at all. But Fifty has another plan, The Mirror again reports:
“I’d love to take her clubbing, show her around my world. She’d have a great time.”
Are we being totally moronic? Maybe he doesn’t want to record a song with her; perhaps he wants to make sweet love to her! Susan Boyle’s withering cherry must be getting mouldy and smelly by now. A menacing American rapper would relieve her of that problem once and for all.