I read a news story that said an elderly man blew peppers in to women’s faces because he got off on women sneezing.
Sneezing? As a sexual turn on? I guess it is something different, and if you hang around a Dr’s surgery, you will have an unlimited supply of material to feed the stoat with, and when you are red raw, you can even see a Dr. And if you are in the UK, seeing a Dr doesn’t cost anything, so it really is getting your kicks for free.
But reading the story raised that little “Ding!” noise in my head though. Since my wife turned down my advances to make an Internet site where she does naughty things to me, and I reap in the cash, buy myself a new bike and generally live with a big smile on my face, I have been looking for another niche to exploit which she might be willing to partake in without threatening to divorce me.
So I explained to her the need for Internet weirdos to watch a woman sneeze, and have now started recording video of her sneezing.
I mean, what could go wrong? So I set up the site. It is available www.InternetWeirdosLikeSneezing.com/YouFreak/members…you know…if you are in to seeing my wife and some special guests sneezing suggestively at the camera with all the eroticism of watching yourself in the mirror as you go to the toilet.
The downside is that I am going through a headcold a week from the germs and am spending a fortune in cleaning wipes for my camera. I have also been covered in some stuff that I don’t remember her eating, but that is because the pervs are asking for some close up action shots. That is all well and good, but we had a special guest on the site. Dirty Susan. A woman who has a nasal cleanliness of an anteater on a diet of snorting cocaine and blue cheese. Three days after I filmed her section lovingly titled “Suzies Sleazy Sneeze Section..z” for the site, I came down with a yeast infection. I didn’t even know men could get that. Well, not from…you know what, don’t worry.
OK, so each to their own.
But then, I guess I have had it coming. In the past, I have been known to maybe not give my wife what she wants (get your head out of the gutter). One night before I went to work for the night, I promised to be a loving husband and make her breakfast when I got home in the morning.
I asked my wife how she would like her egg for breakfast and she replied “fertilized”. So the next morning, I brought home some strawberry jam.
Another time she said “You know. I really love you!” and I replied “Does that mean you are making dinner?”
And another she said “Can you pick me up from the train station at 6pm!” and walked out of the door. I said “No!” once the door had closed. In my defence, is it my fault if she didn’t wait around for an answer?
Exactly.
Courtesy of The wheel is turning...
No comments:
Post a Comment